Lesson 8 - Pride in Marriage My youngest daughter has had her share of relationships, but there was one in particular that my husband and I were grateful to have come to a conclusion. This relationship began when she was home on summer break from BYU-Idaho. She worked in an office where the young man was working in sales during his summer break from BYU. He was one of the top salesmen and is destined to be a very successful man in the world’s eyes. They had a very speedy time dating and when the young man came to ask my husband for his daughter’s hand in marriage, the conversation went as follows: Young man: “I would like to marry your daughter, and I’m asking for your permission.” My husband: “We think you are nice, but we wish we knew you better.” Young man: “What would you like to know?” My husband: “For starters, what is your last name? We don’t even know what our daughter’s last name will be.” Our daughter doesn’t typically like a lot of flash or attention. Kno...
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Lesson 7 - Make the Sauce I recently traveled to Puyallup to spend two days with my 13-year-old niece. She is struggling a bit, needed a friend, and wanted me to teach her how to crochet. It was a wonderful time with family. While I was there, I observed components of my sister’s strong marriage. My brother-in-law is Italian, and they like to make pasta sauce from scratch. For years I have heard rave reviews about the sauce, but I hadn’t been to a meal where it had been served. Since I was there, my sister thought it would be nice for me to try Vince’s sauce. She says she knows how to make it, but everyone thinks Vince’s is more authentic. About 3:30 on the day of my arrival, we were headed out to get yarn for my niece. Before we left, my sister set out all the ingredients and equipment needed to make the sauce so that it would be easier for Vince to make when he got home from work. I could tell this was a normal routine for her; she wasn’t bothered by it at all. Microcultur...
Lesson 5 - "You're Number One!" Marry your best friend is a common bit of advice that people are given. In fact, when my husband and I were married, we received this advice. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman says that “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship” (pg. 21). He defines this as mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. This friendship is something that my husband and I have developed over the years. Number One Fan When we had been married for about three years, I sat in a Relief Society lesson which was taught by a woman I greatly admired. I had babysat for her family over the years and knew the comfortable, safe home she provided for her children. As she taught about marital relationships, I listened intently because I knew I would gain from her wisdom. She taught that we should be president of our husband’s fan club. From there, she explained how a president would act including that a presiden...
Lesson 4 - A Contract or a Covenant? When my husband and I were married, we were blissfully unaware of the challenges that would lie ahead. We began dating when I was in high school and after a time we broke up. We got back together, and he left on a church mission the same month I entered BYU as a college freshman. While he was out serving, the Church changed the length of missions from two years to eighteen months which was probably divine intervention, because I was seriously dating another young man. Ray got home from his mission February 1983, we were engaged by April, and married in July. Prior to our marriage, we didn’t have any serious discussions about our future. We didn’t discuss how many children we wanted or how we were going to raise them. I do think, however, that we both knew the other person was committed to making our marriage work and that gospel living was an important element to our future. We have now been married for almost 36 years. We have exp...
Lesson 3 - Defending Traditional Marriage “We … solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God…. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan…. We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995) As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I remember when this proclamation went out to the world. I remember thinking the principles contained in this document were obvious. Why was there a need to publish a proclamation about something so common as what constitutes a family? Fast forward twenty years, and it’s clear that these leaders were acting prophetically in their pronouncements. In my limited view, I could not see the attacks that would come on traditional marriage. In 2015, the United States Supreme Court guaranteed the right ...