Beautiful Chaos!

Lesson 5 - "You're Number One!" Marry your best friend is a common bit of advice that people are given. In fact, when my husband and I were married, we received this advice. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman says that “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship” (pg. 21). He defines this as mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. This friendship is something that my husband and I have developed over the years. Number One Fan When we had been married for about three years, I sat in a Relief Society lesson which was taught by a woman I greatly admired. I had babysat for her family over the years and knew the comfortable, safe home she provided for her children. As she taught about marital relationships, I listened intently because I knew I would gain from her wisdom. She taught that we should be president of our husband’s fan club. From there, she explained how a president would act including that a presiden...

Lesson 4 - A Contract or a Covenant? When my husband and I were married, we were blissfully unaware of the challenges that would lie ahead. We began dating when I was in high school and after a time we broke up. We got back together, and he left on a church mission the same month I entered BYU as a college freshman. While he was out serving, the Church changed the length of missions from two years to eighteen months which was probably divine intervention, because I was seriously dating another young man. Ray got home from his mission February 1983, we were engaged by April, and married in July. Prior to our marriage, we didn’t have any serious discussions about our future. We didn’t discuss how many children we wanted or how we were going to raise them. I do think, however, that we both knew the other person was committed to making our marriage work and that gospel living was an important element to our future. We have now been married for almost 36 years. We have exp...

Lesson 3 - Defending Traditional Marriage “We … solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God…. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan…. We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995) As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I remember when this proclamation went out to the world. I remember thinking the principles contained in this document were obvious. Why was there a need to publish a proclamation about something so common as what constitutes a family? Fast forward twenty years, and it’s clear that these leaders were acting prophetically in their pronouncements. In my limited view, I could not see the attacks that would come on traditional marriage. In 2015, the United States Supreme Court guaranteed the right ...

Lesson 2 - True Heroism My mother grew up in the “Ozzie and Harriet” era, but lived a life far different from what was portrayed on the television. As the oldest of three children, she experienced first-hand the destructiveness that comes from contention and divorce. As she would put it, her “parents loved each other but couldn’t live together.” Consequently, they married, divorced, and remarried each other. I believe they were working through a second divorce when my grandfather passed away from the effects of alcoholism. When they were together, there was an abundance of yelling and contention. She grew up with the economic hardships and exposure to stress described by Paul Amato’s article, “ The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation .” He stated, “In general, … children in high-conflict households experience many of the same problems as do children with divorced parents. In fact, some studies show that chi...